Nawt hawt: Above-the-knee, pleated shorts

Just say it. You're confused. 

And you know, what? It's OK. While pleated, above-the-knee shorts aren't for everybody, they don't discriminate when it comes to rendering anyone who comes into contact with them confounded, confused and catatonic. 

And you thought H1N1 was bad.

In fact, if swine flu were a middle-aged father in the United States (and parts of Canada) during the summer months, it would surely wear these gems, which are downright dangerous. Can you contract anything from it? No, of course not silly. That is, if you don't count the kind of influence it has on younger generations, scarred not only from seeing their parents in the shorts but also by believing that they are acceptable to wear at said age range. 

Kids, just say no. 

Pleated, above-the-knee shorts, along with fanny packs and sweaters tied around the shoulders in the front, are some of the veritable 'big-game' dad fashion that emerges from their respective slumbers each late spring and summer. Most commonly found at state and national parks like Mt. Rushmore, Crater Lake and any Market of Choice anywhere in Eugene, pleated shorts are a favorite at office barbeque parties and middle-aged blind dates. When paired with the ubiquitous, tucked-in polo shirt (the daring reach for the T-shirt and tuck it in like David Robinson) it's a combination that is as unstoppable like Adam Morrison and D.J. Mbenga off the Laker bench. 

Why are they so popular? The answer is simple: a lethal combination of dress and casual that leaves the ladies lingering. Before dad even opens his mouth, the shorts speak for themselves. "Slacks are for posers. I'm ready for a little family-friendly fun everyone that lets my legs breathe."

But while the legs breathe, our breath is taken away. Dads think that they mix the office and the party mutually, but all they really do is leave their loved ones in the middle, forced to choose. During the winter months, they'll go back to their jeans or full-length slacks, but summer opens that window of opportunity to wear them high above the knee, looking nice. (White running shoes and ankle socks optional.)

Typically pleated shorts come in khaki, which like the shorts themselves, is a neutral color that lets everyone know you can't decide one way or another to dress and you'd rather play it safe. But like our bold model in the picture, they come in navy, black — hell, even denim can get their pleat on. But in the interest of future generations, maybe that's a little too much leg to be showing, no matter how hawt you think the pleated is or how high you're rocking it. 

So dads, please. Pleated shorts are not hawt.